Why today is Thursday

Submitted by Butch on Sat, 2008-05-17 - 18:30

Why today is Thursday

Let me start by saying that you are sitting there, looking at the date of this post, and saying to yourself something along the lines of " according to my calendar, May 17, 2008, is a Tuesday." At this point, you must be thinking any number of questions related to my sanity. Here I am sitting at a computer typing and demanding that you listen and hear and agree with me that today must be, absolutely must be, Thursday.
The story starts on Sunday, about one in the afternoon. There are these pages and calls and at least one voicemail where the sender, in his infinite sense of humor that only works in IT shops tells me that one of our offices has had something happen. This something, without giving away too many details that might cause some people to have a rather negative impression about the company, was bad. Real bad. I will not say what, but will say it was bad.
But in the middle of all this bad, there appeared to be some good. It made a very similar thing at another office (which completely ruined Mother's Day, but that's another story and one that I really do not feel like telling) seem easy and convinced me that the previous Sunday's activities really just practiced for this really bad thing.
The notifications reached me about one in the afternoon. People are all over the place. No one expected something this bad to happen just one week after the first bad thing that happened. And it must have seemed like an infinitely ridiculous cosmic joke that this bad thing was damn near identical in substance to the previous bad thing (which I have already said I will not say any more about).
So we now have the same problem, different location, so I get to play another role.
That problem ended, for me, at least, very early Monday morning. So I went to bed on Monday. That means that the day I woke up was not Monday; it had to be Tuesday. When you go to bed on Monday, you wake up and, BAM!, there you have it, Tuesday. No questions, just move on.
This particular Tuesday happened, and it continued to masquerade as a Monday in a really bad disguise. There were a number of other bad things happening on what I going to call Tuesday. The resolution of all of this involving me driving into the office at three in the morning. So being I went to sleep on Tuesday, when the alarm woke me up, it must have been Wednesday. Yes, it must be, three AM, Wednesday. And I go to the office.
The now cowed and really kind of minor bad things are fixed on this Wednesday, so I go home. I will not discuss all of the obstacles that stood in my way but at some point on this Wednesday, I found the time to get back to sleep, even if it the sleep lasted only for an hour. I slept, there was an alarm. I woke. I went to bed on a Wednesday, so this must be Thursday. It has to be.
I had a doctor's appointment. It seems that I have both a sinus infection and tonsillitis. The appropriate drugs seem to be in order (one of which seems to be inducing the mania driving all that you are now reading). I return home, and Sam plucks the fourth tooth from his mouth in just about three weeks. There will be pictures, I promise, just not this Thursday.
I go back to work on this Thursday, and did all kinds of work related things involving all of the three companies that I, in one way or another find myself providing services. And then finally, I return home.
There is dinner, some laundry, and other half-hearted cleaning and now we are ready for bed. Wonderful.
Of course sleep, does not come easily for me on this Thursday (that many of you are still insisting on calling Tuesday). So I find myself sitting at this computer counting the number of time I have gone to sleep. I also reach into my iPAQ PDA and look at the accounting of the number of hours I have worked this week. The answer is 32.74 hours. At this point, I cannot believe that anyone wants to continue calling this Tuesday. By Tuesday, it is not possible for a Monday-to-Friday, 40-hour-a-week office worker to have 32.74 hours. Forty hour weeks are made up of five eight-hour days: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. For me to have accumulated 32.74 hours by today in this week's billing cycle, I must have worked Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and finally Thursday. And this would have been done at the office standard of eight hours a day.
Therefore, today must logically be Thursday.
Please, stop trying to convince me of how incorrect I am, be cause it must not be me who is not correct. It must be you who is not correct. I have accomplished this week's Thursday a whole day sooner than I did last week after the first bad thing. This second bad thing (and undoubtedly the more critical and near fatal of either thing) has warped time so much, that this week, Thursday has occurred on Tuesday.
As I said in the beginning:

Today is Thursday.