Unlike the letter that I wrote for Sam, this letter to Jacob’s teachers I actually sent in to school.

Dear Teacher,

If I were there with you right now, I would stride boldly across the room, and climb, one foot firmly planted on top of a desk, the other on a chair and, before the pull of gravity sends me crashing to the floor, point at my son and bellow at the top of my lungs: “Beware, for there be dragons!”

Other than amusing you by gracelessly falling to the floor, there would be no real truth to that statement.

You see, deep down inside, at the very core of his being, Jacob is really just a floppy kitten rolling around pretending to be a puddle. And somehow this puddle manages to keep a fedora perfectly placed on the top his head, while looking back at you, upside down and backward.


Warning: handrails are recommended, seriously recommended. Those eyes are a long way down. And there are no emergency exits.

I am not all that sure that maybe there isn’t more danger lurking inside the puddle of kittens than the would be having to deal with the existence of the non-existent dragons. Cats are funny that way.

Jacob works extremely hard at everything he does. Please note that the previous statement may not entirely apply to the work you wanted him to do.

World domination takes focus, determination and a lot of time. It is easy to see how your class work would, you know, just get in the way.

Of course, now that I think about it, Chemistry has lots of applications that would further Jacob’s goal of achieving world domination. Given his definition of world domination is convincing me to let him have a pet cat, I think we’re all going to be just fine.